I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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