Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
