my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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