I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
