trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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