I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
