I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
