On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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