I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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