First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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