I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
