once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
