you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
