Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
