and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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