Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
