forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
