i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
