Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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