Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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