i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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