This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
