Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
