So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
