Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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