her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
