wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
