i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
