Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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