Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize