the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
