I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
