Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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