i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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