Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize