Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
