i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
