Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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