That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
