Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
