i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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