we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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