Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
