It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
