the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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