New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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