when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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