he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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