he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, beer. Big fan.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
