There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
