i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
