somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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