I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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