my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
