cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
