ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
COCAINE IS GR8
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
