I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
