I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
