Tell her she can't have a vagina
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
