The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
