we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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