i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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